My life has been quite wild, with many countries and especially Italy. I hated it with a vengeance all the years I was “forced” to live there. Now I know it was just because I was not choosing freely. And my choice was always Denmark, even though I am not by far a standard Dane and will never become one.
Oh well. Confusion. Mosaic.
One thing is pretty clear to me by now: one does not EVER try to force me to do anything, believe anything, like and agree with anything. The Linda is not submissive, and I will fight to the death, no matter how many years it takes. It’s been like that all my life, I just will not endure nor accept any censorship of “me” and what I want to be about.
But now I had this once in a lifetime chance: come to Italy again and see how it felt now, that I am finally living in the place, situation and country I wanted.
I cried heavily out of fear. Would I get trapped again in Italy? It had happened before… Such a dread, emotions all over, I could not contain them. But life demanded me to go, so I went. And now I’m glad I did.
Sometimes – well: quite often – I have to get out and face the things I most fear. In this case Italy. A country that has so much good to give, is so loved by so many, and was so mistreated by me. I must remember that my best friends are Italians, that I love Italian culture, music, theater and art, and… food! Yes I hated having to live there, but not the people nor many aspects of Italy.
Finally, now I feel at peace. With Life, with myself, with the universe. I love it all, I can embrace it all as aspects and experiences. I am maybe finally grounded.
I closed a life-long cycle. Ready for the new to arrive.
Soon I will come back home to a long and icy cold and windy winter, dark and grey as winters are in Denmark. One must show great endurance and patience. Need I say I actually like winter much more than summer? Spring probably won’t show up until late May… I am bracing myself, because winters are indeed longwinded. But I plan to do so many things now: I will continue to work, paint, learn, do QiGong and much more. I will embrace myself, love myself and spoil myself.
It’s not in a self-centered way: I will love and salute the soul I am. And appreciate what’s around me. Ho’oponopono.
I have a place I love: my apartment, my country, my life today… I am so fortunate and I know it. I am grateful and I remember to acknowledge this. I survived my life until now. I have breadth and width galore, that’s true richness.
I’ve even survived the need to share my life with anyone: I learned from the Danes: so many women here live alone and I could not understand it, with my Italian cultural background. Yes, Italian women can and do live alone too, but in Denmark there’s a truly different way of doing this, an ethnics to it that is not at all like in the Mediterranean.
There’s lots of goodness in both viewpoints actually, so for a good while I plan to cultivate my Danish soul: silence, solitude and candles (in the holiday spirit). Well, maybe not the living candles, I have LED-light candles and they fit me fine. After all, I am not “having” to be standard. I’ll do it my way, as usual.
I have listened to several interviews with great women lately… and what emerges is the strength not to lie to oneself, to own up to who one is.
One was super interesting: I always loved Jamie Lee Curtis and she has several interviews where she opens up about her addictions in such a brave way…
In one, she tells about how a Brazilian healer was with her, noticed her behavior and said: I see you. You are dead inside (and more of course, but that’s in the video).
This was a stopper-shocker for Jamie, and she started her recovery path. But she knows that one hears and acts when one is ready to hear and act. Not before.
I agree. One cannot force understanding down the throat of anyone. Truth is a free choice.
And another very famous actress I won’t name here had had a childhood similar to mine. It can be so utterly difficult to live up to famous parents with all their intelligent and successful friends. It nearly killed me when I lived in Venezia and my most fantastic perspective was to become a cashier in the local supermarket, or get married and disappear into caretaking of husband and children… I could not fathom how I would ever survive such a fate (for me of course, it’s fine if others enjoy it). Needless to say, I never got married, never had children and I never regretted it. But I also grew up learning how to converse in several languages, be the ultimate hostess and entertain. That was also so not me…
But I recognized in this famous actress that conundrum: that mask one starts wearing, the perfect happy entertaining multilanguage conversationalist who has background to speak interestingly about anything… HELP! The danger is when one cannot see it is a mask, not a you-ness.
It has taken me a lifetime to sort out all the bits and pieces of my background, and I am so grateful for this trip to Italy now. And for living in Denmark. They are the two extremes I needed to ground myself and find out who I actually am, what I really want.
Alas… I want it all.
So World, be prepared, I am not a pleaser anymore. That is so yesterday for me.
I want a rich life, with rich culture and many experiences, I want all my languages, I want to be at home in Italy, France, Switzerland, Denmark and everywhere I wish. I want to be inspired.
I want to share this abundance with friends, soulmates, family, anyone around who can appreciate this richness.
I might still speak too much, but less now. My friends are noticing that I am calmer. However, I get excited about so many things I appreciate or interest me, I don’t see this as being wrong either.
I want to continue growing, learning, expanding and ascending.
I want to talk or be silent, read, see and listen, go for walks and learn about that little odd flower over there… I want to have a cat, a dog, and chickens and goats.
I want to LIVE.
My life, your life, our lives, are eternal and limitless never-ending journeys. But as Paganini: I am not repeating. One time is enough. Adventures and lessons should be new and different every time.
And I wish that my paintings accompany you in your journey.
Because no matter what, when, where, we are all perfectly perfect right now, as we are, and there is no deadline, no time-limit, no speed and no places one should get to within X time.
We will all get “there” when ready. And we will all have our path to walk, unique and specially ours.
I’ve (finally!) understood that this life, on this difficult Earth, with the limitations and problems it offers, is a huge gift and not a given. It really has to be appreciated.
I have always painted: my pains and my happiness, my quest and my wins, my solitude and my multitude.
I wish to share it all, and when sometimes someone tells me that a painting gave him succor, that is a proud moment for me, and I want this to expand further and further, because I realize now that this is what I can give back to the world.
Babalt is part of the Mythical Birds series. Fantasy birds with names I “got” while painting them. Sometimes I do find a hidden meaning in those names… Babalth has no known meaning (that I can find) but for me it represents a royal freedom. He is not just flying or standing, he is expressing himself royally.
Go to the online gallery shop and see more options for Babalth
You can choose between so many ways to enjoy my art: from acrylic to paper prints, with or without matte, wood prints, metal prints and so on. In all sorts of sizes to fit the space on your wall. Also, you can choose to have it as a throw pillow, duvet cover, mug, tote bag and so much more!
See the online gallery for all the paintings
Digital post-impressionist paintings to please your soul space.
Website: lindacorneliusartist.wordpress.com
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Linda Cornelius Artist 