I realize now that I’ve been going through stages of awakening, and my trigger was the death of my mother.
There is an uncanny thing about such an episode: one is now really, really alone in life. No-one, not friends, siblings, husbands, or others can help out. One has to get acquainted with being ‘alone’ because the only unconditional love I ever knew was gone and living another life elsewhere. In my case, this was also the one person who had shared my life abroad, the one that would understand where I came from.
As I went through ‘stages’ I have been quite slow. Christina Lopez speaks in the video about ‘days or weeks’ for the stages, and of course noting that each individual has his own lengths and her suggestions are only relative to own and others’ experiences. Well, I went on for AGES at each stage. Even the ‘Bliss’ stage went on forever. I never knew that’s what it was, but I recognize it, the feelings, and I went on and on in that happy stage. Then came ‘the dark night of the ego’ and I endured that for a long time too.
But hey, here I am, sound and healthy, happy and independent after my life literally exploded for the umpteenth time and I had to re-start from scratch. Not that this ever worried me, I feel I am a true pro in that area, I’ll survive and get an even better life out of this. And I did!
I feel quite fearless
No ‘bad entities’ can scare me one bit, no life being exploded to smithereens can frighten me, I can face it all. And I am now in this beautiful country, Denmark, that has been able to maintain a kind nature and a helpful State. I know, many complain, but then they haven’t seen how it is elsewhere! I grant myself the luxury to be grateful I was, and always stayed, Danish, so I had a place to ‘come home’ to.
Listen to the video, she has lots of information and great tips on it. Worth a watch.
I am also grateful for my ‘dark night of the ego’ because it taught me so much while releasing old garbage. Since I did not know what I was going through, I really thought it was only me, and I used Nature to heal along the way. Oh, my poor, poor tree in the park! I hugged and hugged it and gained strength. Now I can salute it, we are old pals who survived. It stands tall and beautiful with all its summer foliage, and I am going to see it and greet it on my every walk. We’ll go through the seasons together.
I think I now may be ‘in the void’ and that is truly an interesting place to be.
My life hasn’t ‘stopped’ as such, but I do feel a great void, peace, calm, like a vacation from all the pain And my life, it is at a standstill for the moment. A quiet and peaceful standstill where I am just enjoying seeing my new friends here, the summertime around me, thinking nothing, feeling nothing, even painting very little. It’s not the first time this happens to me, and I know I will wake up with a fury of creativity soon, and paint, paint, paint again. So why not enjoy this pause, be happy, live life as it is and let ‘it’ live me.
Since Life is Impermanent, I don’t have to worry about getting bored
No matter what, things will happen, my life will pick up speed again, and I will see new vistas. That is fine. I won’t worry about the little time of quiet I have now!
Linda Cornelius Artist 